plead for grace

                 The words that are usually sloshing around in my head have spun into a funnel cloud are furiously twirling through my head, rampaging through every room of my mind, but they've spun themselves to oblivion. All they've left me with is numbness. All these thoughts are going through my mind, yet I can't put any of them together to comprehend how my balloon of happiness popped so suddenly. They say you can't understand someone else's point of view until you've tried climbing around in their skin and I'm trying to but right now I'm stuck in a cell of hurt. I keep pulling at the bars, but the cold metal just stares back taunting me. I'm so lost inside. But the sweet whispering voice in my head keeps saying "trust me".
                  All the numbness and lack of feeling starts to fade. I can feel the blood flowing through my veins again. My body starts to move to the music again. I can start to think clearly than ever, but not into the window of the present. No, that window is forever clouded and covered in a layer of fog. Besides, I don't care to see through that window anymore. Too many people want to know everything this moment, I say one day I'll understand why everything fell into place the way they did, why the puzzle pieces were arranged in the order they were. They were right when they said your life won't suddenly be perfect. But I don't want perfect. It's because of brokenness that we need grace. And I choose that over wordly things any day. I'm being held in the most precious of hands. The numbness has been replaced with love, love that fills me up, filling all the spaces of emptiness from before. My vision of the present is clouded, foggy, always a gaping hole staring back at me. But that isn't what I need to understand. All I need to heal the brokenness is grace. That's all.

beauty in simplicity

          

        I’m always in love with the idea of tomorrow. The way my coffee will taste as it warms my cold bones. The words of the gospel are just as healing any other day as on Sunday morning. They can speak to even the most broken parts of you. You may have to be early to rise, but you will have the privilege of seeing the world bathed in the orange glow of the morning rising sun. Strive not to think so much about what you are going to say next, but listen to every word escaping the lips of the person you’re speaking to. As my hair drips of shower water, I will feel more comfortable in my own skin. It’s always easier to feel good about yourself in the morning when your mindset hasn’t been washed negative by not having yet seen all the people you believe to better than you. The human skin can be a hard place to live in.

 

             It’s rare to find yourself in love with today. To realize in a moment that you are so perfectly content. It’s easy to find yourself drained on a daily basis, of energy, motivation, confidence, but never should you be of happiness. You were so happy dreaming about this day yesterday, what happened? You were so happy thinking of how your coffee would taste this morning, but you were in such a rush in leaving that you took it for granted. You were so excited to talk to someone today, but you finally did and the conversation was over before you even realized it started. It’s easy to take things for granted, even when you do realize that there are people around you that weren’t born with such blessings. You could rush through your entire life and never enjoy anything without even realizing the quality of life you’re missing. There will be a day when all your physical self will be is a body in the ground. If you look for the purpose in doing this, just living life on fast forward never stopping to enjoy any of it, you won’t find any. You’ll just find this void of perception, this emptiness that fills your entire self. There’s a beauty to the simplicity in this world. God didn’t make any mistakes in his creations. He made these things so you would be captivated by them, let them absorb into your skin. To keep your eyes full of wonder because if you look for it, you’ll never run out of mystery.