I am content

            Like the oceans, He endlessly pursues us. Waves of the sea tear and shred and come at us, a cold rush over our ankles. Like the waves of the sea, His mercy floods. Over and over again, relentlessly chasing after us. Doing anything and everything He can to have us in His loving embrace. But eventually the waves roll back into the sea. You see, our lives here on earth are only so long. The waves roll back into the sea and we are left with a choice. We can have Him if we so choose, but if we don't, He accepts that and I use to wonder how could a loving God let us slip from His fingertips? But I asked Him to help me understand and He did. You see, the choice He leaves us with, in not forcing us to choose Him, is mercy in one of its greatest forms. He doesn't force you to love Him just as the waves of the sea don't force you to go with them. The water will float and foam around your legs for a short while, just as you have life on earth for a short while. But eventually, it relents and the waves roll back into the sea and the day will come when He relents and that choice will no longer be a choice but a decision. I choose Him. I choose not to be left behind. Like a flood His mercy remains and nothing could ever keep you from Him. It's a choice, a fight for your life, and you can stand on the sidelines or you can get in it and fight. I choose to fight to follow. I choose Him, and in that I know He won't leave me behind, and in that I find peace.

run wild. live free. love strong.

                   You were made to run wild. You were made to let yourself go. You were made to sprint through the sand and feel freedom to its fullest. You were made to kick your feet through the water, watch it rise in droplets and fall back into the vast mass of blue. To let the ocean come at you, a cold rush tugging at your ankles, begging you to come with it. You are allowed to wish some days it would just take you with it. You are allowed to be and not to be anything you don't want to be. You were made to live free, without bondage to any part of this world. You have freedom at your fingertips, freedom at its fullest, it's simply up to you to accept it. What are you waiting for? Nothing can hold you back. You were made to love strong. Love all people, unconditionally, without ties, passionately, genuinely, as intensely as you possibly can. It's such an important aspect, but society has somehow romanticized sadness and self hate to the point where love is lost. How can one express genuine love if they don't feel it within themselves? Treat yourself well and with love and this will radiate from your very skin. Love, the unconditional kind, the kind without any ties, is love in its most beautiful form.

chasing perfection

              There's nothing I've run after more in this life of mine than chasing perfection, but the thing is it always seems to slip through my fingers like sand. And just when I think I've trapped it, bound it in my arms, I realize it's just beyond my fingertips, slipping away just barely beyond my reach. A perfect life is simply something you could waste your entire life looking for, but darling you'll be disappointed every time. However, I have met perfect love, and in this, well found a form of perfection, the one thing I'd been head over heels, work to the bone, trying to find my entire life. But to accept this perfect love, one has to accept brokenness with it. And brokenness can be so overwhelming. Like the cold rush of the ocean tugging at your ankles begs you to go with it, except brokenness doesn't just beg and plead you to go with it, it demands you, it commands you, it reprimands you. And once it has you, see it doesn't stop. It knows no limits, it takes you by your entire being, fills your head until you're overflowing with its existence and begins to pour out your mouth in words you thought you'd never say. It pushes and pulls, pounds on the inside of your skull, trapped but begging to be set free. And you desperately long to be rid of it, but that's the thing, brokenness cannot be broken. So it pulls and pushes and screams at your insides and your fingers desperately need to rub your temples, soothe the storm behind your eyes, silence your mind, but it dares you not to move so you don't, similar to the way ocean water tugs at your ankles and begs you to go with it, yet still dares you to be still. And we always do, because that's what happens when fear outweighs the thirst for adventure. The waves forever dance in our eyes and we stand with our feet planted firmly in the sand, forever longing to dance with them. Even when the storm is over, brokenness wrath, it seems we can't escape. It lingers like the rustic stench that arises from the thickets of old branches. It follows you down every unpaved road. And crawls into every room you harbor security in. The brokenness in this world, I know it's hard to believe. Oh, our young eyes have had to perceive. But if it is because of brokenness that we need grace, then why don't we welcome it into open arms with a warm embrace? God welcomes us into His warm embrace despite all the brokenness we contain. And if we are to be like Him, then shouldn't we do the same? I think that's the secret to it all, warmly welcoming all life brings, with all the brokenness it contains, finding joy in every moment of it knowing it's in our maker's presence we remain.

plead for grace

                 The words that are usually sloshing around in my head have spun into a funnel cloud are furiously twirling through my head, rampaging through every room of my mind, but they've spun themselves to oblivion. All they've left me with is numbness. All these thoughts are going through my mind, yet I can't put any of them together to comprehend how my balloon of happiness popped so suddenly. They say you can't understand someone else's point of view until you've tried climbing around in their skin and I'm trying to but right now I'm stuck in a cell of hurt. I keep pulling at the bars, but the cold metal just stares back taunting me. I'm so lost inside. But the sweet whispering voice in my head keeps saying "trust me".
                  All the numbness and lack of feeling starts to fade. I can feel the blood flowing through my veins again. My body starts to move to the music again. I can start to think clearly than ever, but not into the window of the present. No, that window is forever clouded and covered in a layer of fog. Besides, I don't care to see through that window anymore. Too many people want to know everything this moment, I say one day I'll understand why everything fell into place the way they did, why the puzzle pieces were arranged in the order they were. They were right when they said your life won't suddenly be perfect. But I don't want perfect. It's because of brokenness that we need grace. And I choose that over wordly things any day. I'm being held in the most precious of hands. The numbness has been replaced with love, love that fills me up, filling all the spaces of emptiness from before. My vision of the present is clouded, foggy, always a gaping hole staring back at me. But that isn't what I need to understand. All I need to heal the brokenness is grace. That's all.

beauty in simplicity

          

        I’m always in love with the idea of tomorrow. The way my coffee will taste as it warms my cold bones. The words of the gospel are just as healing any other day as on Sunday morning. They can speak to even the most broken parts of you. You may have to be early to rise, but you will have the privilege of seeing the world bathed in the orange glow of the morning rising sun. Strive not to think so much about what you are going to say next, but listen to every word escaping the lips of the person you’re speaking to. As my hair drips of shower water, I will feel more comfortable in my own skin. It’s always easier to feel good about yourself in the morning when your mindset hasn’t been washed negative by not having yet seen all the people you believe to better than you. The human skin can be a hard place to live in.

 

             It’s rare to find yourself in love with today. To realize in a moment that you are so perfectly content. It’s easy to find yourself drained on a daily basis, of energy, motivation, confidence, but never should you be of happiness. You were so happy dreaming about this day yesterday, what happened? You were so happy thinking of how your coffee would taste this morning, but you were in such a rush in leaving that you took it for granted. You were so excited to talk to someone today, but you finally did and the conversation was over before you even realized it started. It’s easy to take things for granted, even when you do realize that there are people around you that weren’t born with such blessings. You could rush through your entire life and never enjoy anything without even realizing the quality of life you’re missing. There will be a day when all your physical self will be is a body in the ground. If you look for the purpose in doing this, just living life on fast forward never stopping to enjoy any of it, you won’t find any. You’ll just find this void of perception, this emptiness that fills your entire self. There’s a beauty to the simplicity in this world. God didn’t make any mistakes in his creations. He made these things so you would be captivated by them, let them absorb into your skin. To keep your eyes full of wonder because if you look for it, you’ll never run out of mystery.